i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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