Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
