Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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