I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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