Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
