He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
