he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My vagina just recognized that song.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
