I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
