My pussy is not your playground.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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