if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
