I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize