don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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