My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
