You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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