He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
