accomplished twins. life is a go
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
