So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I look better un-naked...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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