is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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