# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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