real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
