everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
