More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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