she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
