I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize