he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im holly from the hills drunk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
