this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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