My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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