i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize