i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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