My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
