There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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