I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
