My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize