I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
