I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
