I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
