honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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