I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize
