So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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