Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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