he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
