Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
