A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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