I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
