oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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