Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
