i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
