Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
