Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
