Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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