I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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