Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
