The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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