K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
