Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
