Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
