I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
