Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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