It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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