Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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