I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
