The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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