i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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