okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
