all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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