Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
