Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
