Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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