I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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