You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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