He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize