Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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