seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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