I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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