Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
