I hate all girls vehemently.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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