Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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