Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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