wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
