atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
